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Posts Tagged ‘heart’

What makes sense?

Nothing makes sense, in a way.

Like many, I sift, process, sort. Matching what I knew and believed with all my heart, against the stark facts of reality shown me.

Against my Heart.

My heart against my Heart?

No, not against the heart I knew and which had lead me all my life. Not the one that loved, that fell; the one that leapt that grieved that drove all night fought all odds took every chance and would never turn it’s back….

But a deeper Heart. The Heart that is still. The one that keeps me alive. The one that is me, through and through, that nothing can break, destroy. The one that the truths of all that is real, all that is unchanging, speak to. The one that is complete, when I am not, for it is but part of the all where it always fits. Where everything makes sense, even while I cannot comprehend.

This is the Heart that knows, when I am unknowing. This Heart is the guide that sets me in the direction I cannot understand, but gives me the glimmer of rightness that decides for me, that picks my path. Against my logic, my feelings, my heart, this Heart quietly holds me true to course when I have failed, lost my way, fallen into unseen pits and held no map in my hand.

This Heart whispers, in language I don’t remember but will hear nonetheless if I am still…”Follow me. This way…”

It murmers, “You have not been lost at all.”

It pulses, so steadily yet so subtley, saying, “This way” and, “You already know.”

It says “I will never leave you.”

This is my Heart. The one that healed my broken heart. The only one that made sense when life made no more sense. It was there all along.

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In my own time

I may find

A broken heart

Becomes then one

Of a kind

 

In a heartbeat

Things can change

Then everything

Once close has gone

It’s own way

 

In your own time

You had to see

It isn’t always easy

But no one said

It would be

 

For what it’s worth

Time will tell

I understand

No water draws

From empty wells

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Picked up pieces found of me

Scattered shattered personality

Spare parts tatters

Who wants them now?

 

I wonder where they go

And how they fit

I wonder what they’ll think of it

Wonder if they’ll hunt it down

 

I brought the dead alive

Electrified what can’t survive

I gave the juice to it

Injected just a little bit

 

Enigma mine

My Frankenstein

Sewn up so unsightly

Heart

Stitched and seamed

And full of holes

Aren’t I

Patched up pieces parts alone

Separated cold

 

Against all odds

It beats it throbs

Against nature it grows 

It knows it needs

But beats to death

Whatever things it holds

 

Ugly scars breathtaking

Misshapen face of chances taken

They wondered if it had a soul

I wondered how it held it’s own

 

They followed him here

Now they all know

 

I brought the dead alive

Electrified what can’t survive

I gave the juice to it

Injected it and it won’t quit

 

Jump started what should never be

Halleluja eureka it lives it lives!

They followed it

Now they all know

I’ll always be sorry for this

 

I’ll ever be sorry for what I did

 

 

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My Muse departed

On a desert highway

Glimpsed briefly through a watery wavy wall

Just before I hit the brakes

Just before I let go

 

It might have been two hours

Maybe more

Broken

I sat tearing from me

My heart in shards

Cell phones in my hands

Shrieking crying beseeching God

Why?

 

I departed

On a desert highway

I was glimpsed briefly through a wavy wintry wall

Just before I lost myself

Just before I let go

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Forgive me

My truth

My integrity

My backbone

 

Forgive me

For standing

Not laying down

For rising

And not giving up

 

Release me

I will fly

And crawl no more

Please

 

Forgive

My strength

My spirit

My surviving

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It’s so lovely out tonight

Hills soft silhouette

On soft bright sky

Stars are shining

The moon is wild

Warm wind croons

It’s velvet sigh

 

I’m so lonely out tonight

I know I could be somewhere

If I just had the heart

I still see the cool clear fire

Of your eyes

I can see the promise

In your smile

 

And if I’m quiet

When stars fall from above

And if I make wishes

When I lay my body down

Maybe my tender heart

Will find a way back home

Maybe I’ll find a love

Of my very own

 

It’s so lovely out tonight

Soft silhouette

Passing softly by

Stars are shining

The moon is wild

Warm wind brings 

A velvet sigh

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Could you shelter me this time?

Keep me from the cold?

Would you lend some tenderness

To pull around my soul?

 

Is there room for me inside you?

Could you spare some of your warmth?

Would you hold me in your heart?

Still wrapped around my own?

 

Soothe me with your voice you’ve found

Whisper into me

All your secret knowings

All your mysteries

 

Keep me where I’ll feel you

Whenever I get low

Give me someone to believe

When everyone has gone

 

Will you shelter me this time?

Let me rest my head

Can you see what is between

The once and now again?

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Although you’ll never know

What thoughts I held for you

You could not miss the way

I held myself so close

And yet so distant

And still we looked right through

 

Amber blue and green

They looked straight into me

What were they thinking?

 

I can hear you breathing

And feel the swallow in your throat

I can hear the beating of your heart

In time with my own

 

Amber blue and green

Steadily, carefully

What did they see?

 

I remember everything

This moment that was

And is and never would begin

I held us in my hands

Like I held anything

I let it all fall down

When you fell down into me

 

I won’t make that same mistake

I’m not the girl I was

Look at what’s been wasted

Look at what was lost

 

Amber blue and green

They said it all so clear

What did they mean?

 

I can see you as you were

I see who you are again

Everything I knew is true

And is and was and has never been

The way we fell right through

 

I won’t be that same mistake

I’m not the same because

I look at what we wasted

When everything got lost

 

We’re who we are again

We’re what we are

And we were not

We’re everything anew

I let it all fall down

When I fell down into you

 

Your breath catching

I can hear this now

Everything I say remains

Between our lives

And in your eyes

And what I find

And what you’ve found

What never matters all the same

Is very much alive

 

Amber blue and green

Softly, piercing

What do you feel?

 

I held this in my hands

It’s what we are and never planned

And what fell down around us

Was what we wasted getting lost

Everything you should and should not know

You hold it in your hands

What I am and never was

 

I won’t make that same mistake

I’m not the girl I was

Look at what was wasted

Look at what we loved

 

Amber blue and green

Falling into what will be

What do you need?

 

Amber blue and green

Steadily, carefully

Help me to see

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Sanctuary in your arms

The place I’ve longed to be

Refuge I’ve been dying for

I find myself received

 

Sanctuary in your arms

I never would believe

A hunger that has always been

Has finally been relieved

 

Restless heart has always been

The lonesome guide in me

Now I find I’m home again

I never want to leave

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SHY

Underneath a velvet sky

Walking on a moonless night

I watch the stars

So near, so far

Walking side by side

 

Taking in the harbor lights

Reminds me of another life

You reach for me

We all need

To just hold on sometimes

 

Looking in your quiet eyes

A world I’m lost in for a while

Bright and dark

A waiting spark

I feel my own eyes shy

 

Taking in the harbor lights

Reminds me of another time

I need a heartbeat

Close to me

To just hold on tonight

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